


Who Am I

by NalgeneWhore



Series: Elorcan One Shots [16]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22758562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: tumblr prompt:  Ask and ye shall receive! Prepare for ALL the requests! “Please don’t cry.” + Elorcan (bonus points if it’s Lorcan crying because I’d die for soft Lorcan)
Relationships: Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Series: Elorcan One Shots [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636468
Kudos: 28





	Who Am I

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr prompt: Ask and ye shall receive! Prepare for ALL the requests! “Please don’t cry.” + Elorcan (bonus points if it’s Lorcan crying because I’d die for soft Lorcan)

“Lorcan?”

A sniffle cut through their room. “Go back to bed, El. I’m fine.”

She crawled to the foot of their bed, wrapping Lorcan’s shirt around her naked form. Elide sat next to her mate, her eyes trained on his face, the silver moonlight revealing the tracks of tears that fell down his face.

He turned his head away from her, shifting his upper body. “El, please. Go back to sleep, my love.”

Elide scoffed and stood, walking around to him and straddling his lap. “You know I can’t sleep without you. What’s wrong?”

Lorcan gripped her hips and lowered his head to her shoulder, his face pressed into her neck. She could feel the wetness of his tears leaking onto her skin. “Did I ever tell you about Sollemere?”

“…no.” Confusion and worry flooded through her, her heartbeat quickening.

“There was this town. Called Sollemere. They refused to bow to Maeve and-“ his breath hitched and he shuddered.

“Love, you don’t have to. I’ll go back to sleep.” Elide shifted, trying to climb off him but he tightened his hold on her, “Don’t go. I need to tell you this.”

She didn’t say anything but nestled closer to him, pressing herself into his body.

Lorcan drew in a deep breath of air, holding it in his lungs before slowly letting it out. “She ordered Ro and I to destroy it. And we did.”

Her heart stopped in her chest, at the pain in his face, the fractured light in his eyes, the tears that fell freely over his cheekbones and full lips. “There were hundreds of Fae living there. Females. Younglings. And we _slaughtered_ them. We murdered them where they stood. And I didn’t blink an eye. Neither of us did. She told us what to do and we did it, no questions asked.”He shuddered and let her stand. Elide took his hand and pulled it until he stood too. She led him through their chambers to their living room, lying down on the couch and beckoning him to her. He settled above her, his arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting under her heart. “I was still in love with her. Or I thought I still loved her. I hated it. That I loved her. That she had made me, _forced_ me to commit horrendous acts of pure violence and after everything I still lusted after her like a love sick boy.”

Elide didn’t say anything, she couldn’t say a thing. She was in pain, it hurt her to hear this and to know what had been done to him all these long years. For _centuries_. “My love, that is not who you are anymore. I know who you are.”

Lorcan tilted his chin up and looked at her with such complete and devastating pain in his eyes. “I don’t. I don’t know who I am.”

Those words, the unmistakable fact that he couldn’t tell what had happened to him, triggered something in her and the floodgates opened, her own tears pouring down her cheeks. Lorcan raised above her and lowered his face to hers, peppering light kisses all over her face, kissing away the tears as they fell.

When he finally pressed his lips to hers, he could taste the saltiness of their tears mingling together.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” She begged him, desperate for him to feel again. Her mate had been alive for over five hundred years and had lived under the reign and complete control of someone so evil, she couldn’t even name it.

“Elide.” She looked up at him, his eyes flat and empty. “Who am I?”

She closed her eyes and breathed softly before looking him in the eyes again, “You are mine. You are my mate and I am yours, forever. You are my husband and my partner, in all lives. _That_ is who you are.”

**Author's Note:**

> im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post more regularly there)


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